Heartache, Heartbreak
by Flowerfaires
Summary: 'Weeks earlier he had promised me that he wouldn't just leave, that he would fight for me, for us. In the end he didn't do any of that. He just left. He left saying one day we could be friends. Who says that, who' 3x09 - 3x10 Oneshot Spoilers


**3x10 where to start? Saddest but also best episode ever! I don't know which episode made me cry the most. Such brilliant performances from the entire cast. **

**Jerry Barber (Noam Jenkins) you will be missed!**

**This is just a short oneshot on last nights episode.**

**Disclaimer - I own nothing**

Heartache, Heartbreak

Andy's POV

After three years of knowing each other, three years of partnership he has always had by back. He has been the one constant, the one person who has never let me down. That was until today.

For the past four days every single one of us have been grieving for Jerry. All grieving in different ways, some push people away, some former tighter friendships.

For Sam he fit the first catergory. He pushed everyone away, including me. He bottled up all of his emotions, his guilt, his anger, his sadness, just like that. It wasn't until today, four days after Jerry's death, four days after the funeral and the speech Jerry had prepared for his wedding which in the end was read by Traci.

He finally exploded and I was the source, I was the pin cushion he reflected all of his emotions on. His words stung me, no one has ever been able to make me cry like that, break me like that, not even Luke.

His words still stuck in my mind repeating over and over again, sending me into exhuastion. I didn't sleep that night.

After he left me there on the sidewalk I put on a brave face and joined the rest of my friends with a toast to the beloved detective.

Traci is now living with me until she finds strength to finally go home, to their home. I have been taking care of her, tonight I need to be taken care of. I won't burden her with that, I will do what I always do hide under a mask. Push the problem away because tonight and tomorrow and the next day or the day after that my best friend needs me now. She needs me more than ever.

Weeks earlier he had promised me that he wouldn't just leave, that he would fight for me, for us. In the end he didn't do any of that. He just left. He left saying one day we could be friends. Who says that, who?

It took four days for him to speak to me, it took four days for him to use me as his target. It only took a second for him to break his promise, it took him only a second to break my heart.

Sam's Pov

Four days ago my best friend died. Four days ago everything changed.

Today was the day of the funeral. The day it all sunk in. The day we all knew nothing would ever be the same again.

I don't deal with emotions, I don't deal with death. I deal with it by pushing everyone away, by grieving in a the cornor where no one can see or hear me.

Tonight though, tonight my anger and sadness unleashed. It unleashed on the one person who means the most to me.

I couldn't take it anymore. She kept pushing me, that's her problem she always wants to fix things, fix people, fix everything. She doesn't think that sometimes people can't be fixed that sometimes we just need to be left alone to deal with it by ourselves.

I meant what I said to her, this wasn't going to last, I wanted it to, I really did more than she will ever know. We are two different, that's not the problem though the problem is she wormed her way into my heart so far that all I can think about is her. All I want to do is protect her, keep her safe. The deeper we get into the relationship the more I lose myself, the more I forgot about everyone else the more she becomes my first priority, my only priority.

It only took the last four days for me to see how much she had affected me, how much I care for her, how much I love her.

So I did what had to be done I had to end it even though with each word it broke me. Seeing her crumble broke me. Even though I broke her heart and mine in the process I saved a life. I save this from happening to anyone else. If I had done this earlier Jerry might still be alive.

All I ever had to do was listen to my gut, the same gut that told me to go for her, to chase her after what I just did. I ignored it. I had to stick with the first instinct to end it.

I broke my promise to fight for her. I am fighting for her though I am fighting to keep her safe and make sure she doesn't end up like Jerry. I couldn't take that.

So I broke a promise, I broke her heart and I broke mine.

I doubt it will ever beat again.

The End

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